Artists: Autumn
Year: 1997
Number of tracks: 11 (+2)
Approximate runtime: 1 hour 5 mins (+11 mins)
Label: Tess Records
When candles and incense are not enough
To dispel the death I die every day
When an alter cloth over my wounds
Cannot stop the bleeding
Nor still my pain
...I'd gather razors' sharpest light
To see how it came to be this way
That the sinking in my head becomes
The death I die. . . death I die
When figurines twinkle as they crash to the floor
And the diamonds crumble when there are no more
When my body lingers at the killing site
Gathering the sharpest stones for the chosen one
...I'd gather razors of sharpest light
To see how it came to be this way
That the sinking in my head becomes
The death I die... death I die...
Fire and wine and burning lies
Bring me to this crazy fear
Fire and wine and burning eyes
Live the master of my tears
But when the hour has broken us
We shall wonder - wonder who it was
And how it came to be this way
The death I die every fucking day
And when the demons of my mind
Come to claw for scraps tonight
I shall kill them one by one
And feed their corpses to the sun
When the demons... The demons of my...Mind
Come to claw for table scraps tonight
And when the demons the demons of my mind
Come to claw for table scraps tonight
Well I shall kill them one by one
By one... By one... By one... By one...
By one... By one... By one... By one...
Opening the doors
Opening the rooms to us
A hope to transcend
This deadened consciousness
I call my home
So passion drains the pain away
Biting through
As ice storms wait to pierce the flesh
And I wait too
Passion drains the pain away
Biting through
As ice storms wait to pierce the flesh
And I...And I...
A wild eyed child running faster than
The echo of her mother's loving voice
Of her mother's loving voice...
Closing over us all
Opening the doors
Opening the rooms to us
A prayer now to feel again
The warmth of memories
I call my home
So spellbound into this domain
Of dreamlike waters' heavy groan
It is nothing more than that
Than that which we have always known
So spellbound into this domain
Of dreamlike waters' heavy groan
It is nothing more than that
Which we... Which we...
That six months is not long enough
To forget that everything erased will be written again
Everything erased will be written again
And for now we know
And for now we know
The waiting is until the end
The waiting is until the end
The waiting is until the end
The waiting all alone
And in the morning
After years have passed
It seems
Oh even now to overwhelm me
And in the stillness
After life has passed
It seems
Even now to grow like cancer
And in the fallout
After war days have passed
It seems
Even now to keep from dying
And there you are, going deep into and through me
And there you are, keeping distant all who knew me
And filling me with a new kind of life
But it's one I never wanted, one I never imagined
And even now, you send me reeling
For you and I have been together much too long
And though I drink my mind will not grow numb
'cause it's one I never wanted, one I never imagined
And even now, you know I'm reeling
For you and i have been together much to long
Much too long, don't you know
Oh and here we are, and here it goes again
I know I've waited much too long
I have weighed it all, delayed the fall
But even so, even now…
Even…now… even…now…
Even…now… even…now…
Even…now… even…now…
Solid steel, cold and angry
Bitter leather, silver terror of the distance between us now
Whitest pallor of blackest lips
I have always stared at them and drowned my sails inside of you
My whole body in a rage over
Air-brushed battles we have waged
So terrified
So terrified
To divide and conquer the
Running-drunken-splendor over
Screaming blackest waters
And the blood we shed
In moondrop tears
To remember broken bottles
Railroad ties so torn and mangled
That safer place - we had everything
Inching closer, salt of your fingers
Pressed against you, legs could not bear the weight of night, nor the stain of light
Heavy scent of pain in the air
Weeping for the stillness did not comfort us
It only frightened me
To divide and conquer the
Running-drunken-splendor over
Screaming blackest waters
And the blood we shared
In moondrop tears
Now we lay the shallow grave
To the end of sunlit days
But we could have changed
Everything
And forever I will carry your prayers to my lips
Returning the warmth to its master
As you fade away
In moondrop tears
-oh god, I have always loved you...
Winding fury in half-light morning
Desert winds of Jezebel, home again
She will drape the jewels from your praying hands
Entice you to the flawlessness of her homeland
Where the sun-bronzed women come
Come to set the earth afire
With the powers of their own hands
They shall run but they shall never tire
Desert winds of Jezebel
Bring me home again
You lift me higher than the night
And bring me down again
A mother love so strong
It tears the tired souls from their graves
It lifts them higher than the night
And brings them home again
You give me hope
You give me life
Give me your hope
Where the sun-bronzed women come
Come to set the earth afire
With the powers of their own hands
They shall run but they shall never tire
So let the flowers dance and the wild skies rain
Let the great seas give homage
Oh Jezebel - I have returned
A mother love so strong
It tears the tired souls from their graves
It lifts them higher than the night
And brings them home again
Another year grows cold and closer still to another year
I take an image - a scent of us - and will it to become
Closed eyes send you back to me
And you will never leave again
A memory of our sex has stained me
And to taste myself upon your willing lips
It would release me
With no regrets
And no remorse
The loss is imminent
But the gain was great
These things are mine for now and always... Always
And I would follow you anywhere
And I would take you with me
And I would follow you
And I would take you
Another day grows tired and so returns me to this place
Lights extinguished - now all is still - i can feel you start to breath
Closed eyes send you back to me
And you will never leave again
The torture of this ritual is staining me
But with fervor i reach out and draw you in
With the hope that you may release me
With no regrets
And no remorse
The loss is imminent
But the gain was great
These things are mine for now and always
And I would follow you anywhere
And I would take you with me
And when the dreams come
I would follow you anywhere
When the dreams come
I would take you with me
Don't you know
That I would follow you
Anywhere
We walk beneath the waves of sand
As dreams of starfish overwhelm
And bluest greens
Like liquid fire
Pour over us as silence reigns
Oceans apart
Distance overcome
To swirl, to dance
Into you and I
Our wailing anguish - so stripped away
Oceans apart
Distance overcome
Oceans apart
Distance so overcome
Faith restored
To the skies
Glazed and wired on this strangest day
Choking on everything in me
Scraping the tar from the garden walls
This duty frightens me
Deep the well
Deeper still the weight of my descent
Torrid waters emerge
An acrid feast of sparrows drowning
And in twilight hours
It hopes to dream of restful places
Weeping as one
The rain is all we have
All we have
Vultures fanning me
With their hungry shadows
They cannot hear the ticking inside my head
So they bury me just the same
Deep the well
Deeper still the weight of my descent
Filling, surrounding me
I too, become
The well
I too
Torn muscles hang from the line
Sun-dried, now it's time for the feast
And I wait in line with plate in hand
But you've eaten all there is
And my bones weep
I was never meant to... Or maybe I was...
Never meant to...or maybe i was...never meant to
Head raging and I'm so tired
Can't stand any more of this
When the state of the living
Is as the state of the dead
Such disillusionment is the end
Painstaking - every move a labor
Gnarled and ravaged bones protrude
And I want to smear the disease across my ribs
In the name of the father . . . atrophy begins
I was never meant to... Or maybe I was...
Never meant to... Or maybe I was... Never meant to
Left here, now on this precipice
Sun-dried tendons slide away
Into the cracks of desert sand
My skeletal smile begs for more
I was never meant to... Or maybe I was...
Never meant to... Or maybe I was... Never meant to
But like a trestle underwater, like a trestle underwater
Like a trestle underwater, like a trestle underwater, like a trestle underwater
I drown too... I drown too… I drown too... I drown too...
I drown too...
Seconds
Once ignored - now cherished
As they begin to tick away
Panting, like a dog in the wind
Throat constricted
Swelling as a tumor - I can scarcely breathe
My eyes stand in the way
To the world I need to see
Hazy melting images coated in glue
Begin sliding from my view
And I trample on top of them
Now a blind fool
Now a blind fool
Oh my heavy, heavy aching legs
Cannot do the work of ten men
To lift my feet of stone
Clumsy, my arms
Long and leaden - they drag behind me
Carving deep trenches in the rotting earth
Oh so tightened
Stretched beyond belief
My skin cracks
With the weight of my dying body
And the rage in my head
Blood trickles down from my burning eyes
And stings my charred lips
Oh dear god - if you would but save me
So much as a finger on my hand
Surely I could find the strength to climb
Atop a cloud in your sky
And echo your praises
Into the light of a new day
But my words are lost
As my bones
Snap suddenly
And i am left to lie upon the burning remnants of my life
Seconds
Eternity
The clock ceases inside of me
Oh this silence, this emptiness inside
For the grinding of my teeth at the searing pain
Of my flesh and the stench which infiltrates my every pore
Silence
Eternity
Might as well relax
It's much too late
To cancel
All my reservations in hell
Do you want to know what this has done to me?
The rage pours down into pools of grieving
Oh and your smiles turn to leprosy
Turn to sickness spread into your hearts
And the pain sinks roots which smother all
But have borne a seedling - a life of hatred and distrust
You lied in ways... You never should have spoken
Acceptance conditional
Your honesty with fingers crossed behind my back
Become the blade that stabs me over and over and over and over again
This time the betrayal is forever
This time will have been the last time
I believe
To have given my self away
But now there is a new me
So proud to be the hating tree
My arms out-stretched - they will withstand most everything
Now there is a new me
So sad to be the hating tree
As an offering i gave oh me, my self
The madness and the laughter
Insight
A love so full
And a mirror that once told me to believe again
Now cries with me for the loss
I know too well
Oh and the pain sinks roots which smother all
But have borne a seedling - a life of hatred and distrust
For you lied in ways... You never should have spoken
Acceptance conditional
Your honesty with fingers crossed behind my back
Become the blade that stabs me over and over and over and over again
But this time the betrayal is forever
This time will have been the last time
I believe
To have given my soul away
Now there is a new me
So proud to be the hating tree
My arms out-stretched - they will withstand most everything
Now there is a new me
So sad to be the hating tree
Deep inside of me
Like castle spires
Tasting raw earth as they bleed into me
At this darkest hour I will join
The dogs an industrial cemetery is my only offering
Smell the dogs and bathe their feet
In the light they shall retreat
But the sorrows they have seen
Must incite you to believe
Tasting our scorn they turn away
From those ruins of our decay
But the sorrows they have seen
Must incite you to believe
Holding them so close to me
To cradle them in the softest breeze
Amidst shadowed forest greens
Now plowed away to starve their dreams
Crawling now on wounded limbs
Over colorless stone
And stained glass debris
At this the darkest hour
I have joined the dogs
A smothered howl can hear my only offering
Smell the dogs and bathe their feet
In the light they shall retreat
But the sorrows they have seen
Must incite you to believe
Tasting our scorn they turn away
From those ruins of our decay
But the sorrows they have seen
Must incite you to believe
Seconds
Once ignored - now cherished
As they begin to tick away
Panting, like a dog in the wind
Throat constricted
Swelling as a tumor - I can scarcely breathe
My eyes stand in the way
To the world I need to see
Hazy melting images coated in glue
Begin sliding from my view
And I trample on top of them
Now a blind fool
Now a blind fool
Oh my heavy, heavy aching legs
Cannot do the work of ten men
To lift my feet of stone
Clumsy, my arms
Long and leaden - they drag behind me
Carving deep trenches in the rotting earth
Oh so tightened
Stretched beyond belief
My skin cracks
With the weight of my dying body
And the rage in my head
Blood trickles down from my burning eyes
And stings my charred lips
Oh dear god - if you would but save me
So much as a finger on my hand
Surely I could find the strength to climb
Atop a cloud in your sky
And echo your praises
Into the light of a new day
But my words are lost
As my bones
Snap suddenly
And i am left to lie upon the burning remnants of my life
Seconds
Eternity
The clock ceases inside of me
Oh this silence, this emptiness inside
For the grinding of my teeth at the searing pain
Of my flesh and the stench which infiltrates my every pore
Silence
Eternity
Might as well relax
It's much too late
To cancel
All my reservations in hell